I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
