i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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