Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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