Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
