You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
