We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
