Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i think i have herpe
just one?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
