All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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