so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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