you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
people are starting to question the shark bite story
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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