Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
