how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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