Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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