i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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