She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
