just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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