I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Floor bacon is actually really good
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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