Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
