I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
