are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
