She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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