your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
