I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
