I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
