if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
a search helicopter?!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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