just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
