just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
