My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
