Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
