i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
