once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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