My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
