she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
