My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I AM VODKA MAN
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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