Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
