It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
