everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
