Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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