my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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