Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
