Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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