I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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