we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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