i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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