So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
