I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
