his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
