How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
