He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
