I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i dont even know how to be here
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
