who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
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So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
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You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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