Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Sext me about skeletons
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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