Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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