Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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