I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
