maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
