I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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