I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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