I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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