I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
