How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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