he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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