Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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