In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I could make wine with my vomit
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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