I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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