roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
