You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
