My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
