I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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