I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
