Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
