the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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