Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
