My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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