Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
