Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
