I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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