"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
