DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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