Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Threesome in a minivan. New low
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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